søndag den 25. december 2022

25-12-2022 21.40

 Yeah... I have screwed a lot of things up. 

Lately, I am a lot with myself. He got divorced, I meet with him - it went up and down real quick, he is away from my life, AGAIN. I cannot anymore. I swear I have never been this tired of myself. I have never been so fucking tired of myself being so naive and thinking the best out of everyone.

I love my friends - but I cannot see eye to eye with them. My family, being themself I cannot...

I do know... Not that I want to focus on the negative things. But I am not happy. I am thankful for every single thing that I have and have had to happen. But I do know, I really ... reaaally... want to be a young mom.

I want to have a baby in a year. I want a partner and my own family. I want that. I really want that. I want to be a mom, being home with my baby and my husband.

I do not God... I know I am about to be done in a short time period, 3 months. I really, really want a family of my own soon.

I just got a little sad... For a long time, I really wanted to be with myself and just be a carrier woman. But deep down what I really want is a family of my own, with love and happiness. I do enjoy being with myself and having time. But I do really love also to have my partner. I think all these years have hurt me so much that I am still recovering. 

Sometimes, I swear I do not know if I know how to freaking love... 

I did change my number, I need to focus on myself and my goals.

My goal is to be done with my thesis and be open to love.

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