For the past weeks, I have been on a trip with my girls. We went to France, Nice and also visited Monaco, Monte Carlo and then the week after we flew to the Italian iland Sicilly and visited also Malta.
I just saw my phone the clock was 09.09 meaning I was meant to write to you guys.
But a lot of different things have happened. I have been through a lot of emotional roller coaster, for the first time in a long time during the trip I could feel deep pure happiness. It was another whole fantastic experience, indescribable.
Coming home from two weeks' vacation, was definitely a challenge. Because what I left with what I had transferred into was too different persons. But I am trying to make them friends, not because I want to be in it but because it is also a part of me. We all need to be friends if we want me to move upper wards into life.
I still struggle with my thought and him. Somedays I miss him so much, and somedays I can draw in my own thoughts of bad memories that I hate myself for doing so much for him. I came to a decision that I am through the acceptance phase and now at a recognition phase where I still struggle to believe what happened is what happened not anything else. We, humans, are good at suddenly living in a delusional world because it is comforting to not phase the true reality of what it all looks like. And we by nature are built to be in the flight and fight mood 24/7, if we do not get enough stimulation we will create that in a way that is unnecessary - instead of accepting to be in a rest and digest mood because there is nothing to be fearful of. Anyhow ... I need all of y'all prayers and a good luck wish because I could really use it to just end my last journey and start a new chapter of my life with the new version of me.
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