18-07-2021 16.48

 Hey Guys,

It has been a while, for me to be updating you guys about my life and everything.

Let me start from...

I got a new job last month 12-06, which is my first firm job as a student assistant. I am very happy and thankful for my job because the location is near my home and it is very chill to work there.

From tomorrow I have about 20 days, to read an exam - which I have no motivation to do so. I am very tired in my head and my soul and everything. I am exhausted all the time, I have no energy and I am literally really tired of many things.

My family situation is a little, actually to be honest a lot of ups and downs. There are happening a lot of things, that I can feel it is making me chaotic and stressed on the inside. 

God? Why do I always, when I visualize .. then something challenging happens, and it just destroys me in another way. When I wish something or want something to be, it will never be like that way.

Fx. I have manifested I want a specific job position, at Novo or Leo. Then I suddenly get many job offers, and I join the job interviews, I get happy and prepared of course. And then, nothing happens, I get rejected. But after a long time, I am getting a job at the firm I am working for now.

Another example, I wished the best for my family, health, and happiness. But I am getting more and more, challenge days like this are not stopping, and it is just getting more complicated than ever.

And besides all that, I am talking with him again, even though I have told him I am not ready for a relationship or to nurture or heal mine and his relation. I cannot be positively active to be an online time player in this right now. I am happy to see him and to talk to him. But for me, it is just it, nothing more.

You guys, I have really 0 tolerance and are so aggressive. I do not know, what it comes from. I just have no patience. Most of the time I am emotionless and careless, and maybe it can be evil to some eyes, but I do not know why like I do not care what happens. I am just doing whatever that I want, I do not care about what any other says. I am tired of respect and do what everyone wants me to do. I do not care, and mostly I have when someone is trying to control me or wants to tell me how to do things, without me asking. I just hate it.

Most of the time I do not know what to do, I am just living life in a way, I am sleeping at night, waking up doing the human stuff you do every day, and then the next day the same. My ambitions and motivation in life I can see it, but I am out of breath right now. 

God at the end of the day, I am trusting and believe in you, my faith, and the process.

You know, before I loved to make wishes. Now I am just too afraid to wish for something...