27-12-2017 - 15:14

It has been on and off, for a whole while .. Last time you hated me where, at my birthday .. last minutes when it was about to finish. You finished it all, because the location where I was living you didn't know excatly, and I told you it were N, and later i told you it is L, because no one knew about that place .. but suddenly, i found out, that its the place that boys like you can't walk - Because you guys are too busy to live the criminal life.

Dear God

I didn't get, why I had to meet him. I was clean and a whole girl, when he wasn't in my life. And know I am all broke and stuff. I wished, i never meet him. But I know, everything has its own reasons. But it the thing that broke me most, where that I losted myself in a "man" .. literally a boy, who I actually think I loved .. but little did I know, I found out things, and experinced things with him - that made me more clever about many thing .. That the life isn't always rainbow and pink skies.

Litterally I have been through much .. I didn't expected that. Literally, I am shocked over, what happen and how it happend. And how stupid I can be sometimes. Its a cold world.

Love doesn't excist.

People lie - People do anything, to get what they want.

They piss on you and your feelings, and what you stand for. 

I swear .. Dear God, I swear you the Almighty, please I really want to know why this should be my destiny. I swear ...

I am heartbroken, used, not a little girl any more .. I have so much that I carry on. I can't feel anything anymore, I can't relate .. I just hate men.

Yesterday 26-12-2017 - 22:10, where the time he asked me "Are u ok?"

I haven't answered him.

One stranger told me, if a man is afraid to miss you, he will never call you things or say things that is going to hurt you. He will never, make you feel hurt enough that makes you cry. He will never replace you no matter what. If he wants you, he will turn the world and make you his. He will not play game, he will make time, he will litterally do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g possible, so you could be together. He will not leave you be, he will everytime choose you over and over again and so on.

I swear I haven't ever hated myself so much, and be dissaponited of myself. The one that I am, who I have become, the things I choosed myself to go thorugh.. The blind path, that I knew deep in my heart would end in the middle of no where. I knew, I would end up all alone. But its fine, I know where I should begin, to build myself a me. I know what I want. I don't waist my time anymore. I don't give a fuck anymore, to be more specifik. I am riding solo, I don't need no one and I defenetly do not need anyone to be over me. 

If I make mistakes, I make mistakes. 

So yeah .. 21 years old, and I tierd.