01-01-2018 - 00:34

Happy New Year 2018.
My very first update for this year, I will start with the ending of 2017.

One thing is, that sometimes when you are all alone by yourself, you will think of many things .. One of the one things, that have me thinking for a quite awhile is him.

I love him enough to do anything for him, but I can not have him as my husband or someone I will share my life with. I love him enough, if I see him with another my body, heart and brain will die piece by piece. I can not bare him living with some another than me, but I wish him the best. I wish that he will find himself a young woman, that will take care of him and his heart - because I can not anymore. I love him enough, that I have giving him away. I had one heart, and that one heart belong to him, I can not see myself with anyone els, but him. But he can not handle me, it is okay.

I know your plans now God. I know it. I know I have to take my education. I know I do not have to lie so much, because it resulted that I losted a diamond in the sea, and I have ever since searched for it to appear again. Now it is another humans happiness and not mine. So I know what your plans is. I am not jalous of another womans blessing. I am thankful, that I got a little taste of it. But the thing that is killing me and hurting me is, that I can not see myself with anyone - litterally.

I love him. God I love him. But not enough to fight .. I lost myself while, I wanted to save him. Now I am lost myself ...

I waited the whole day 31-12-17 from 00:00 - 00:00 01-01-18. There were no any signs of him which means, he is in my past know. New beginning, but same suffering, but I have to stay strong.

I am perfect, I am a fighter, I am not lost, I am vunerable, I am the best, I am me, I am another mans blessing .. so

Happy New Year Baby. I love you SA.