19-12-2016 - 17:33

There is not going a day without me thinking about you dearst auntie .. I miss you. I love you. I want you. I need you. I cannot live without you. The thought that my heart is empty, makes me want to go crazy. Nothing is helping me. I am so empty, that I do not think anymore. I do not give a fuck about what I am doing. My life is a joke.

Honestly auntie, I do not want to grow old. I do not want to live a life without having you behind my back. Your existence, you .. Your voice. Your smell. Your face. Me feeling you from here, was keeping me alive and wanting to live. It has been 3-4 month. You left me. You left me to have a nicer life with God. :-( Without me. But it is okay, I wish you the best. I just love you so much.

Auntie .. the last month I have learned so much. I mean I have been through hell .. But I am back on my feets again. I do not want to get close with anyone. I do not want to have contact with people anymore, because they all suprise me. I do not want to get hurt. I do not want to get attached to a person, and then after all seeing the person leaving.

I am a human. I do not want anyone I love to leave me ... I cannot. I just cannot.

But you know, after all .. I have learned, that I should expect the worst from anyone, even myself. I do not know myself anymore .. I do not know, what I am? Who I am? What I want? What I have to do? Why I live? Why I do things? I just do not know ...

But yeah ................