11-08-2022 11.35

I decided to have my very last contact with you. I will do whatever to not have you in my life anymore.

Unsent letter..

Ever since you got married, and engaged my love has descended not a bit. I love you to the moon, the skies, the galaxies... I love you until it reaches God and comes back to me. I love you so much that words cannot describe it. I love that you showed me how much I am capable of love, that I can love a person so deeply. You did hurt me, more than 1000 times... You did make me cry, make me sad, destroyed my core my heart... But I have forgiven it all. Because at the end of the day, I still love you for the time we were together through bad and good times. I tried to love you my way. I tried my best for us to happen. You chose another person to perceive your dreams, and you should do that too - I fully support you. I support and will always be your number one supporter. Sometimes I would wish, you knew how deeply I love you. And it hurt me that I cannot give it to you. It hurt me, that I need to smell you, put my head on your chest, and listen to your heartbeat and your breath. It hurts me that we were not forever, it turns out the way it turned out. Because somehow in my own mind and fantasy, I thought at the end of everything, we will survive this and you would change for the better - because I was the one for you, and you were the one for me. Still, my tears go down my cheeks while I am writing this. My heart aches so hard, you do not even know. 

One year has passed, and we are in contact sometimes despite your situation... Do you believe that my heart does think it's all a dream, and my brain is still going through a chaotic experience... I do not know why it all happened as it happened, or why God did our life as it happened. But it better be, for the both of us. I have deeply loving wishes for you, you do not even know. I am still going through a breakup in my soul, mind, and body. I will I will get through it .. God is great.

Some days ... I swear God is my witness. I miss you. I fucking miss you. I could die just to hear you say my name, look at me, seeing your smile .................................................................. The cuts that are on my heart and body are so fresh, that I am a ticking bomb going around and can cry out of the blue - because I miss you so much.