07-09-2021 00.07

 Hey God,

I do know what I am going through.. But I can feel that I am trying to control it. Yesterday night, I came home from Berlin, and little did I know - I came home to chaos. Yesterday night, I talked on the phone with YA, we had an interesting, weird conversation. But he was cool and all that, but today when I joined his club, it was just so weird - he was holding back a lot. I do not know, but it was so weird being around him - even though we are cool.

God I do not know, why him - I am meeting right now. Maybe I am overthinking mine and his relation, I cannot tell.. I am waiting patiently to see if just is a good friend, or good human being or not.. I do not know to be honest. But it is setting my energy off most definitely.

I just.. I do not know, what is exactly happening in my life. I swear God, I do not know what is happening ... I am just tired of being sad, and having anxiety and depression all the time. I miss really being happy. For Gods sake I am 24 years old, with a lot of demons to fight on my own. I still cry. I am still mad. I have literally lost happiness in my life. How can a relationship just be gone after so long of fighting. Do is miss my ex? No. Do I think about him? Yes. Do I want him back? No. What do I want with my life? I do not know...