29-03-2016 - 23:36

I know, I am not loyal to you guys. There had been 3 month since I have written in my blog. But, there have been things happening in between. The Valentines day, I was not with him, because he bring it with his friends, because before that he told me that he had lost the way he liked me. And then, he didn't show up three times when we should meet each other. And then when he finally shows up, he I had the best days with him until I left him. And then since I have loved him more and more, but suddenly my love for him faded. I did not like him like before, even though he still is my smile, he is my joy, I do not feel the same. I do not know why. I am crying right now, while writing. I am writing with my feelings, I have ended things between us, because I changed mood every day. I wasn't myself all the time, I did not want him write to me, but other times I wanted him to write to me. I wanted him badly. I wanted him so much, that I could just die in his arm. But as I wrote at my previous, we live 3 hours and 40 minutes away from each other. We do not see each other every day, and I do not get to see the one I want to see most. That and everything else have messed my brain, head, life up. It has drowning me crazy. My friends tell me, that I have made a mistake and others tell me not. Some tell me, that I make crazy choices and I do not understand myself. I am so confused and stressed, I have all the emotions in me, I have feel everything that I don't want to feel. I feel everything besides, loving another person. I think because, my every past relationship I ever had was because I never had a person that cared and loved me the way, he loves me. I do not think I want to believe in that love he gives me, I do not think that he is real, even though he loves me more than I love me. I do not know, what i should do. Help me God, Help me my Creator.