30-07-2020 14:12

Hey guys,

Tomorrow I am done with my 3-week work. And I am about to start reading my other exam. I swear you guys, I really need all prayers. I will do anything to get through these two exams.

A little telling about me, my feelings, and my personal life.

I really think, that after this summer another chapter will start like I can feel it. I do not feel anything towards him or any attachment. Like, I do not even care at all. I just want to live and have the good happy life that God gave to me. Yeah, there will be days, where there are tornados or chaos, but I am sure I will get through it. I started this journey with him, October 2016, and it has been 4 years straight, that there is no sign of me and his connection or the thing that we had could last. I cannot, maybe it can not right now. But one thing I am sure of is, that I cannot worry or give another second of my time or thoughts towards this. There are many battles between me and him, throughout the years we did not defeat him together. I am still here thinking and trying to accept - that what happened is in the past, that I shall not take it to my future. I am trying you guys, I swear. I do not know how I manage using three years in my university, and having him by my side, ( or not ), trying to figuring out me - moving to another city away from my parents. And actually making it, even though I never passed any of my exams the first time, so I had 2xExams, every time... But you guys I did it all on my own ... damn. I just realized it now, while I am telling you guys, that I really pushed through ...

 ( The sun suddenly shined) ... :) - It is been cloudy all day hehe...

I know I still have great battles with my demons, and myself... I am still trying to get over many things, my past hurtful moments with him. I do not know when I am going to accept everything that I have been through. It is hard you guys, because being grown in this world, suddenly seeing, the bad and the wrongs. But you know, it is what it is. I do not know, where my destiny will lead me - but I  hope for the best. I still love him for his time and, making me stronger towards my personality and my future decisions taking. He was my best and my hardest blessing, and I do not know about him, God. Just keep him safe for me. Never have I ever made a bad wish, I rather see me suffer than him - God knows, that I mean every word. Take care, old love.

Ps. Guys, please pray for me - I really want to make it, I am at the end of it all...