04-05-2020 19:34

You know guys..

I am here sitting in my parents home and thinking. Last we had connection, were 25-03-2020, its been 10 days ago, and I can feel that it is going to last. Besides all that I was thinking, that I wanted to shsre a little bit of my experince and the way I see the world.

I love my Dad, he is really my everything.. Sometimes I am so funny, I am thinking about if he dies, my life will complete stop, and I will have no purpose of living ... But then I am like, you can do this I have to stop having them thoughts.. And then when I am with him near him, I just feel the comfort. But when I talk to him, I can feel distance between us. And you know guys, I see him as a big worrier that has been through a lot, and he also has his own childhood traumers, and based on him how he is raised and how he formed - he is acting, and is telling how life should be. And I respect that you know, but my Dad is still my hero, and he is my everthing .. But you know, when you hit the true reality your heart just shatters .. I know you go through traumer alone man, in this world in another country without no family, that you are making it on your own. But you know, as a daugther to him, I am accepting him for his doings and everything, but it just kills my heart everything, when I am observering him from another perspectives.

And you know, for me SJA, he has been in my life for alone time on and off.. But he is the secound male in my life that is close to my heart. And I know now, that God is watching me, and did not gave we what I could now handle, because and know now that life is not just good and a right pathway, there is ups and downs, there is the stop to a bar or coffee place, there is all these different people you are cross passing, and like this where life .. You have to choose which way, or which path you want to go, and what you define that this is you, and you have to make sure that the path you choose is you, by walking in it and at the end maybe go all the way back to take another direction.

Basically I want to say that life is making choices and make WRONG choices to know, what the RIGHT choices are. You have to have the both world, just to know what it what - and what you want.

By all that mean, we will everyone get good stories and bad stories, but its all about to live in it, and just enjoy it, wether it is the bad memories or mistakes or the good ones. All of them is going to define you as a person and your life. Every mistake and dicision you are goin to make, is not a bad thing, the things are the way they are so you can have your own speciel life.

#Dueces