Hi guys,
Today my sister came by to make some cake and food... I love her, P.
Yesterday late night, i talked to my bestfriend Imas. He is always there for me when ever I call him, I just love him - whenever I need a question in my life to be answered I go to him .. And the way he visions life, its so amazing I just love it - it make sense. I am not saying he is God, but he somehow manage to answer my questions.
I asked him, why do I want something to be the way I want, but I know it will never be like that. And then I am deciding to do something, and when he comes infront of me I get weak and I totally destroy the choice I make to myself .. and after that I regret that I did not hold on to the promise I made to myself .. and then I will get crazy. But I want it to be like that ... ?
He told me: You are only letting yourself down, and its that when you let yourself down, it hurst the most - because you feel lost again, and you feel of a betrayal which will somehow destroy your inside. Yeah, the feeling that you like, that you are dependent on, it may feel good for a little while, but it is only that amout of happiness you will get, towards the deeper pain you later on will feel.
I really know this by my heart, we are not done yet - because it will be a long journey as long as I allow him to be in my life. I allow him have that power and control over me.
I have to accept the circumstances and, accept it will not change for anything els.
I have to accept, that he is just a memory and anything more.
I have to accept, to put him in my past - meaning, not answering him what so ever.
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