There was the time when his mother should get operated because of her head, i took him in to my home.
There was times when he should come by my city because of work, i took him into my home.
There was a time, when his friends came in my city, i gave my home to them.
I never charge him for money or anything, exept him attention and careness .. but i never got the.
The night of 06-02-2018 was a nightmaire. But it was that night when everything, I had for him like feelings and more died. One boy from my school wrote to me, because of a group project, i rejected his call. And he thought I was talking to other by everynight and so ... eventhough he already know I am down for him, always and forever - but not anymore, because I cried and I begged him to talk to me, because he was hurting me, and he was careless, he didn't whipe away my tears, he was coldhearted as a stone .. And suddenly everything in me died ....
The day of 14.02 came, his birthday. I didn't write, eventhough he always mentioned his birthday to me and he was so exited.
The day of 15.03 came, he wrote an sms: "Eventhough I hate you, and I can't tolorate you - I hope you are fine and you take care of yourself. You are in my mind".
My heart was beating so fast, and I got a little bit stomach ache, but then I read the text-message, then I was like .. Who the fuck does he thing he is? No litteraly? I feel, I really feel I gave more than I should, I was there, I was there whenever he wanted me to, I was there eventhough he stabbed my heart everytime he wanted, I allowed him that, as long as he did. But now I have nothing to offer him. I have nothing to give him. I feel empty, and poor! Because I have nothing to give anymore .. Literally NOTHING. I cannot feel anymore, I actyally do not like him at all .. He is just a human bein in my eyes, and nothing more .. Once he was my heartbeat, but that heartbeat died long time ago .. around 6/7-02 .. around that time.
I hope and wish you the best. Bye ..
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