05-01-2015 - 20:20

It is quite a really long time i have looked my self in the mirror ... I do not like my body .. I have stomach fat and side fatness on my hips, also my legs they are to big and fluffy ... Decieded to do the - pro ana - rutine .... #ElleHolmes ♥


I am so depressed or i do not know if it is called depressed, i hate this place i am living in, everyday is the same rutine .. Do homework, watch film, eat .. next morning .. the day after that .. and again and again and again and again ............................... since i was 5 years old. Know I am 18 and haven't the freedom to do what i want to do, or make friends, just to have some little fun, TINY LITTLE FREAKING FUN .. I have to hid it when i do it. And YOU think i like it this way? I want to you to be my one and only bestfriend, dad. I have had many bestfriends! My friends was Eyyup he was from copenhagen the capitel city of Denmark, he died of cancer that broke me down because he keeped me smiling, and then after him i had a guy named Mikro, he couldn't fill Eyyups place but he was there and he made me smile, but i fell a little in love with him, and that torned our friendship apart, after him a guy named Suni, he was a sweet guy i became close to, a sweet boy buddy who i really liked as a friend.
You told me to not go after boys, because i was to young and i was to dum to see what was in front of me, Yes indeed i was. But the dum one is YOU. You couldn't make me go that way, because all you saw was i was a wrong born child, who you called names and breaked my heart by saying one day "you are not my daughter" ... By that, i was SO broke. SO broke, that i suddenly had more male friends. I made them like who I am, and I was a buddy with them all and they where to me. Yes i did fall in love, yes I call it love because he was all i looked for, kind, i could hit him as funny and seriously without him saying anything to me, i came close to him. The secrets i could tell him, he understood me. But then i 9th grade our way got seperated and since that day to today he is the only guy i see. ...... M***in